Whats wrong with me?!

Hi lovelies!

It feels like an eternity since I last posted on here. My online presence has been very much lessened for the past few weeks.

My absence online has been largely due to the fact that recently I have been suffering with depression. Having never really experienced what its like to be depressed I did for a while think that I was heading for some kind of breakdown. Nothing could snap me out of this feeling that I had and when someone asked me what was wrong and why was I so quiet it would reduce me tears with no explanation why. Yes I was stressed with work and I had worries like everyone else in the world, but it seemed that my coping mechanism had just packed up.

From the outside looking in it would seem to others that I have absolutely no reason to be depressed. I have a job, a beautiful healthy daughter and a close knit loving amd supportive family.  So why would someone who has all that be depressed???

I kept asking myself this same question over and over. Was I just inflating everything and being dramatic?  Am I ill and just didn't realise? Why are all these small problems, that people experience day to day, getting to me so badly. Even now as I write this post I still cant answer the questions.

At work I was finding it more and more difficult to concentrate.  I felt insecure,  worthless and so paranoid that it was driving me to distraction. 

Once at home I was quiet, snappy and tearful. I tried so hard not to let this mood be seen by my daughter but it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide. My family started to notice that slowly I was becoming more and more reclusive. 

I was eating more for comfort and my weight has gone up, again adding to my upset and self loathe.

2 weeks ago my mum came to visit and I was having a bad day. I could barely string a sentence together through crying so hard. But I didnt know why. It was time to go to the doctors.

I was lucky enough to get an appointment that evening with my GP. He diagnosed me with depression.  He said that although anti depressants were available, prescribing them isn't always the answer.  Herbal alternatives can certainly help and he also suggested taking a little break from work to relax. He also advised I try things like Rescue Remedy and Kalms to help with the anxiety. 

I went into work the following day and poured my heart out to the director of the company to explain. This was step one of shaking myself from this feeling of despair.

I realise it will take a while for me to be my usual self but I can say that at the moment im feeling a lot better than I was. If I feel anxious I take a few deep breaths, step back from the situation for a second and then carry on.

Have any of you suffered with anxiety and / or depression?  What did you do to help come out of it?

Im so grateful for the support of my friends and family.  Without them I would be in a terrible mess.

If anyone who reads this is also suffering with depression then I urge you to talk to someone.  I have found that just talking about the worries and stresses I have, have certainly seemed smaller and easier to deal with once talked openly about.

Im also feeling a bit more confident about blogging again now too and im really looking forward to the Mids Blog Meet in Birmingham on the 31st. Im going to pull on my big girl pants, paint on a smile and enjoy a new meeting some new people. If you're attending please come and say hi!

Thank you all so much for reading this blog post. Its not been the usual happy, easy to read posts that we all enjoy but I wanted to fully explain my absence.

Anyway, onwards and upwards!

Look forward to speaking to you all soon my lovelies :0).

XxxxX